Swing Higher! Higher!

When I was four I became aware that I may be different then the others. And even if it wasn't true, I wanted it to be so. I spent the next fifty years trying to define that feeling. I look back and well there isn't much difference between wanting to be different and being different. You create your destiny as it is destined. You just learn to pay attention better and learn coping skills for when your ego wants to over ride.
I started paying attention when I was four on the swing set. I loved, loved, loved swinging. This is where I became conscious of my first level of ambitious tendencies. "Higher..... higher!" Everyday chanting this. Teeth gritting desire wanting to be higher then the kid next to me. I practiced and became highest. I then felt capable to move to the next level. Life now is all about that swing. Forward.... Back....kicking forward....bending knees back. Every swing forward progressing...floating then backwards to save energy for the push to come. Closing my eyes, leaning back, trusting my legs would do the proper propelling as long as I did the work. I'm going back to that swing in a couple of weeks and only now do I now the reason why. I need to remember to pay attention to the steps of destiny and kick my ego to the side. I hope the swing doesn't break in reality or metaphysically. I'm much bigger now. Ha!

Stopping Time in Harlem

I'm in the habit of stopping time. It is an ability I have developed while writing. I go back throughout history,  I take off my shoes, sip the coffee, see textures on pedals and become present of temperature.  I will go back in time to yesterday. I had a very unusual experience crossing the most complex balance of smells between the vague essence of life ending and new ones birthing. Flooding of of past conversations mixed with new and powerful images was simply intriguing and uplifting. I went to my Aunt in Laws, Vivian Leonard's "Home Going" at Refuge Temple 125th st,. Harlem NY. Home Going......says a lot. I learned how to see life respectfully. They taught me how yesterday... and for this I'm so grateful. I witnessed a celebration really, a part of history, a moment starting in the 1930's, single Mom, three kids, apartment on 124th st. and Lenox Ave. Harlem USA. No other place in the world can duplicate this moment in time. I can only imagine what it must of been like....I think of Jazz....the Stylistics..blistering hot summers.. and lots of Pizza and Chinese takeout. But there were other stories of her and my mother in law and ten other children growing up with a "stringent father and sickly mother." Made me wonder how does our environment truly effect our ability to give. Well as the look of it she gave enough. Her children...all college grads (wow)(wow)and her grandchildren.. exceptionally eloquent ...really very special. She gave enough. Those are the gauges we have, in the end, I have learned. Two hundred year old enormous church...300 voices singing, echoing in the swelling bellies of the internal hall. Baptisms and  baking bread in the basement, stain glass pillars reaching the heavens for sure, flower sculptures, as I see it, on top of the elder women's heads. All white, lace, tooling, feathers, embroidery, drapes, sequin's, pearls and other shiny things...in every imaginable shape. Oh and the gloves. I just love those gloves.....historical and in no other place in the world. Then there were the men, all in black suits..... looking tired and wise and very very distinguished no matter their failing posture. I could see their lives in the expression they held so gracefully. What a moment to witness. Almost 90 years of a specific history passing in front of me. What a gift it was......I gained more perspective. When this generation dies we will not see this any longer.....gone....respect.
 I look a bit like an outsider but I feel I fit in somehow.. just fine. My son shares her blood and I became increasingly proud of that. There is one job that she did that may have gone un-noticed. And that is somewhat the point. Many of the younger people related to her were in inter-racial relationships. This is not that normal...(depends on where you live) but this had to do with her and her parents and so forth.....I suppose. Us partners are Dominican, Puerto Rican, German and Norwegian.(simply put that is). So In my opinion this is a vary valuable job she has instilled probably unintentionally or maybe not.  The births then of the grandchildren and the great grandchildren will change the way we see color....we are less likely to hate "ourselves". This is what will in fact change the world. It will take time though....one child at a time. She did her part. I didn't see it before.....she full filled her mission....well done Aunt Mitsi.....well done.

If it is out of control where is it?

I took my sunglasses off
still objects vibrated
I saw nameless colors
the cement was squishy
I knew a new adventure had begun.

Subway Doodle Series.

I'm not completely sure if I know why some portraits turn out to be men or women. I couldn't really write about it that's for sure.... besides the obvious....thicker neck, short hair, facial hair???? That is why these are so intriguing because their is no plan...they just born themselves from some place. Maybe another place that we don't know of and this is there only way of existing here....hmmmmm....

Subway daily Portrait

With everything portrait I feel is about finished I take a photo. This condenses the image and sometimes pronounces a problem to where I can then see it. I then go back and rework it until I feel the problem is solved. Then I change the photo to a Grey scale and check the balance of darks and lights. This helps with accuracy in shaping forms and determining foreground and background. In this piece I feel the the background is confused too much with the foreground and doesn't have enough movement in and out of the piece. Here's a color shot to show how this process helps with understanding the elements of a Mixed Media  Portrait.

Shilo Suleman Enhanced Book Designer

My book is about power house girls from all over the world and every once in a while one of my characters comes to life. Shilo Suleman is one of these special young Indian women who is making a great impact in the Enhance Book industry. So this seriously powerful young girl is tops in my book. Her TED talk is awe inspiring for those who write and or illustrate children's books. She is the Creator of KHOYA available as an I Pad App. Check it out guaranteed to change the way you see (read) books. Click on Shilo Suleman above for all the links to her endeavors.

Kickstarter Project Idea

I expect to take this novel into the enhance book realm. Which is relatively a new concept in reading comprehension as I see it. It could be seen as pure entertainment to others but as an art educator I see everything through that lens of broadening perspective and possibilities. I had set a goal for last summer and then had some personal issues that un-stabelized me for a moment. Trying to concieve writing, illustrating and now a enhanced book app is daunting and sometimes feels unrealistic. So I now I'm focusing on getting interested people involved and learning how to work with others. I love doing things myself but I must really look at the momentum factor at this point. Technology? App design needs to be done right and with a company that knows what it is doing. I have contactedn  Zentro Media who happens to have offices in Santa Barbara and New York which would be ideal (since I spend summers in Santa Barbara). There is a problem though.....I am a few steps ahead of myself. Edit edit edit edit yes........ so I have found a perfect editor who is "on Board" and is perfectly suited for the job. I'm thrilled and the ball is rolling again and happy to say in many different directions at the same time...that is how I work best anyway. 

Daily subway portrait

"When God was a Women"

Sometimes if your open and available books just fall into your life that encapsulate everything you've been trying to process. In fact I would like to talk about creating a new genre of writing. Id like to call it Anthropological fantasy/fiction. Yes that will do. If I could do it all over again I would be an anthropologist. There is no time left for this now.....I've set other goals that will take the rest of my life. So I appreciate women who have done the research for me. Yes I know we should always do our own research but I'm taping into so many beliefs from so many cultures and as far back as ancient times that one just gets lost in the sauce. Remember I'm an artist first, which means I organize the chaos around me to form different ways of seeing. Truth or faith can never truly be fact anyway. Making sense of things is what makes us feel knowledgeable and the passion for our beliefs just gives stability in righteousness. In other words we believe in what we have the ability to believe in...not in the hardness of research, living against the norm, fighting against family tradition and now with the extensive perspective offered in this book, a systematic demolition throughout history to overthrow the Women place as original Creatress.

Portrait subway series

Original done in charcoal and water brush. Added magazine texture to re-image into a traditional head dress of ancient times.

Subway portraits concludes restart

Re focusing incorporates every aspect of life. Every thought, every action becomes an element in the process of output. Stages in writing seem to come in well balanced waves. I sit and absorb, with little judgement, for months... open....allowing life to simply happen the way it just does. Now the stage of preparation has begun. I have my palette of good and bad experiences filling my most colorful mixtures of chaos. Now it is time to pour.....taste....pour some more.....spit! Then take down the new recipe!