Re- seeing old Art Journal Pages

Don't feel creative. Don't want to get supplies out. Don't want to get messy. Dont have energy or time soooooo.......I thought I'd find some new backgrounds from getting up close to old work....with a new camera and......it's filters. This macro setting on the Camera Effects App for Androids is giving me new eyes. I will then use these parts in digital collages which have been fitting my mood lately.

Negative Thinking

I sit all lot trying to condense the things I don't want to do or that I have to do so that I have time to write. Im obsessed with the idea really. I'm so overwhelmed with this story. Connections happen daily that make me feel I'm on some super natural wave. I feel debilitating pressure most of the time. all of life gets in the way of writing this. But if I truly believe that this story was given to me to tell, I must then believe that whom ever gave it to me felt strongly that I could manage it. I doubt this daily as well....Its this constant time sucking argument I have. Neglecting my children, my husband, my friends what if it's never read. What if it doesn't mean anything and is not really important? Blahg......If I did not argue with myself debating and configing my precious time I would actually have more time. So knowing that why do I still feel the need to blog my issues. I want to be authentic. I want this process to be the truth. I want others to relate to how difficult our goals can be to achieve. I also spend all lot of time on others blogs....truthfully I'm a bit tired of the ultra "you can do it....you are a goddess" mentality out there. Don't get me wrong. I'm inspired constantly but I think I would appreciate a bit of truth and reality mixed in... you know the real road to your dream process. So I will attempt to be truthful here so you don't feel alone when you want to smack all the perfect blogging success stories.  So easy just do this and this and this and then you are a famous person with thousands of followers. I feel most of these blogs are done by women who don't have other jobs and could possibly be a bit self centered and egomeniacal. Remember ladies that we are probably more average then we'd like to imagine and that is great too. I'm not saying don't go for the great beautiful blog building thing, just remember you are human and probably a mom and a wife and a good friend with another job and can't just whip it together like it seems others can. (That was me talking to me!) I so want too but I can only do one thing (no I really mean 5 things) at a time. But my latest solution.......for my birthday my friend got me a Crock Pot....

How cute is my alibi though!

You can see my dilema......

Writing with Children

You' ve heard of those mothers that say i gave up my dreams to raise you......I want to be that Mom.....but I cant. So my children will be deprived and neglected, and a bit dirty and hungry, and i will be selfishly continueing the  pursuit of writing this novel. As dramatic as it seems it's what goes on in my head. It's not true at all but I think I say it to myself as a sort of escape root just incase I fear failure so much that I want to give up.....and need a good valid "I'm putting my kids first" alibi. It just gets a bit tricky when my older kids take care of so much and they even say "We'll make dinners, you go write." Oh brother! there goes that alibi. It's all just games in my head to manipulate my fears really........so quitting is not an option apparently....there really isn't a choice. I really, really don't have any valid excuses to give up. So I take a big breath, smile at my five year old and organize the next scene in my mind while doing laundry and the dishes, and when i get a chance i write it down...and when I get the next chance I edit....etc.

Workshoppers work! Did I say work? Meant play.

Just few examples of what was made those late Tues afternoons. Here they are using fabric and stitching as another media we can mix in with paint and paper!

Workshop Shots from summer '11

This was an ideal spot really. I love being outside. We had a trellis over our heads and to the right we could witness the sun setting over the sea.

Art and Kraffe Mixed media Workshops

Another summer gone by in Santa Barbara and the outdoor studio is back to being the shed that stores the recycling bins. Its the saddest thing about leaving really....all the media that was not used up and now gets stored for nine lonley months in Grandmas attic. Here is a shot of this magical place where we met once a week on tues.